i say:

make it count.

"for the reverberation often exceeds through silence the sound that sets it off; the reaction occasionally outdoes by way of repose the event that stimulated it; and the past not uncommonly takes a while to happen, and some long time to figure out."

"time overlaps itself. a breath breathed from a passing breeze is not the whole wind, neither is it just the last of what has passed and the first of what will come, but is more -- let me see -- more like a single point plucked on a single strand of a vast spider web of winds, setting the whole scene atingle. that way, it overlaps."

haiku #1

"but its a good orange"
as he awoke he declared.
someone disagreed.

can says:

laugh til you cry! live til you die!

j.k. says:

"well, how can that be real?"


"prove that it is not," said xenophilius.


hermione looked outraged. "but that's -- i'm sorry, but that's completely ridiculous! how can i possibly prove it doesn't exist? do you expect me to get hold of -- of all the pebbles in the world and test them? i mean, you could claim that anything's real if the only basis for believing in it is that nobody's proved it doesn't exist!"


"yes, you could," said xenophilius. "i am glad to see that you are opening your mind."

life =

up for invention!

ken says:

"SIMPLY MOVE A FEW INCHES LEFT OR RIGHT TO GET A NEW VIEWPOINT."

clarity: the disappearance of problems

irony?

nothing gets me
feeling religious
like a very 
good
hangover.

things i will do once im rolling in dough:

fix my record player
visit new york
visit new mexico
pay those bills
pay the library
pay for internet
buy so many cds!
get a license to drive
buy a 711
get ___ tattoos
give you some
maybe get drunk
i guess get botox?
get a cat named claude
visit japan
probably get a yacht


understand, and agree.
see things clear
ly.
produce better 
art. be good,
again.

water

is my latest tool for detecting shakes of the earth. it is also great for cleaning, and thirst.

alan on point/apply this to everything:

"philosophical opinions and disputations sound like somewhat sophisticated versions of children yelling back and forth -- "'tis!" "'tis'nt!" "'tis!" "'tis'nt!" -- until (if only philosophers would do likewise) they catch the nonsense of it all and roll over backwards with hoots of laughter."

alan on THE MOMENT:

"the crimes and follies of man's ordinary nightmare life seem neither evil nor stupid but simply pitiable. one has the extraordinarily odd sensation of seeing people in their mean or malicious pursuits looking, at the same time, like gods -- as if they were supremely happy without knowing it."

alan on big pictures:

"ordinarily one might feel that there is a shocking contrast between the marvelous structure of the human organism and its brain, on the one hand, and the uses to which most people put it, on the other. yet there could perhaps be a point of view from which the natural wonder of the organism simply outshines the degrading performances of its superficial consciousness."

early work

last day(s)

fambly cat(s)

calamity: a surprise problem

nowhere

SPACES part 8

SPACES part 7

i do not subscribe to any particular religion but do often ponder god and feel he is everywhere in everything and everyone. hes in your milk and hes on your toe!

SPACES part 6

one may view objects as they view god. there no matter what.

SPACES part 5

sometimes when i sit, and i mean still, i start to feel my surroundings and i realize they are present. it makes me realize i dont always treat them with the respect they deserve and that despite my inconsistencies their position never wavers. they dont spend hours feeling wronged or unfulfilled or like they could have been something more. they merely exist the way they were meant to and expect nothing in return. the more still i get the more alive they become. i love you freeways ceilings night stands qtips fruit bowls faucets automobiles tshirts trees tacos tricycles toothpaste and every other inanimate object i sometimes forget are always there.

SPACES part 4

one may view walls as they view god. a witness to the mind.

SPACES part 3

"im writing an essay on spaces."
"what kind?"
"buildings, rooms."
"whats the point, exactly?"
i thought so long we both 
forgot the question.

SPACES part 2

sometimes i get scared to say certain things in certain spaces. i worry that the walls will hold my words and someday release them, slyly passing them to the person to which they were regarding. typically they are things i shouldnt say regardless.

SPACES part 1

lately i have been thinking of locations as people. today i passed a library and thought "what a space. so filled with knowledge." later i sat in a restaurant cluttered with people, booze and music and wrinkled my nose. "i just cant think!" now i lounge in my room exuding love at the space i have deemed "mine" and wonder if there is not something to be said for all spaces regardless of the connotations of the things that fill them -- books, atm machines, shrines, ones possessions. are spaces not like people, comprised of various qualities but all ultimately the same in their potential effectiveness and contribution? are they not just waiting for their chance to be recognized as great? THIS THOUGHT ENCOURAGES ME TO REGARD ALL SPACES EQUALLY. "i love you as you are." "you can be something for me."

boy at party. in tub.

L.O.V.E.

old man at coffee shop when asked how he was:

"well, i made it!"


he grinned toothily and while it was unclear to what exactly he referred i appreciated his sense of accomplishment.

ram dass on the guru:

"he's your fingernail. just bite your fingernail and you're eating him alive."

(RIP) maggie

we met on a run. i was running, she was not. she was peeing at a hydrant. i was not. i took her home until her real home called. her real name is flame. she lives next to the hydrant. 

songs my mother taught me

avoid stepping in oil. it is hard to get off your shoes and might stain whatever floor you are soon to be stepping on. beware of these spots in parking lots, particularly those in or surrounding shopping malls.


always take the second or third or better yet fifth item deep on grocery store shelves, never! the first. it may have been tested by another consumer in some capacity or another and affect your future experience with it, most likely with germs. if an item has been opened 


RUN.


when running long distances save your energy for the last 1/4. this is when everyone else gets tired and expects you to too and if you dont you might win!


only drink coffee that is so diluted with sugar/cream it no longer tastes like coffee, therefore, good.


"its all good."


five days belated, happy birthday                   you.

RIP

he wasnt a spider so i decided to accept him. i thought "green bugs can be cute." keeping one eye on his travels, i went about my wash. he moved to the floor and i kindly stepped aside. "how cute we are" i thought. then he entered the waters stream and broke three of his back legs and was swept swiftly down the drain. i stood there and thought this.

nearing fall(ing)

when things stopped:

i wrote him a note that said
I LOVE YOU. i put it in his pocket
at a time he wasnt looking.
at a time i wasnt looking
he put it in my purse.
he left shortly after and
i have often wondered 
if this was an act 
of reciprocation
or return.

becoming a star

what's so

understanding over time and space

the weight of the mind

if/when

the clearing

man down!

last nights dream

i was at an airport and had been waiting in line forever. things had happened then this little black kid came up and said he needed my help. i feel like i was busy but something about him struck me and i decided i had to help. i got out of line and went with him only for him to take me to the end of the line. "now we have to wait" he said. i got upset and said "ive been waiting in line for five (or six?) hours, you need to tell me what we're doing." i looked at the clock and it was eleven. he broke down and explained and i said so you want to play a game? he explained that he had wanted more popcorn but the guy hadnt given him any more and had said maybe if youre blind. so he wanted to pretend to be blind, or maybe his brother was but he had still been discriminated against. so we did the whole thing and sure enough he was right. i dont get it now but i realized this was a huge lawsuit and he might win 34 million. he was six i think and his name was brian. i think i realized i was a kid too cause at the end my dad came up and hugged me and brian and i parted ways but i felt confident i had helped him and his family would win the money. i think the airline guy got mad at us once we proved him wrong and asked how much popcorn we had already eaten. and we said 34 bags, or maybe just 34. i think i actually read this story in my dream. i remember looking at a page and being surprised at the twist of the narrator being a kid.

my opinion

means no less than yours. it also means no more, which means it may not mean that much.

from nothing

comes everything.

don juan says x 2/ive thought this in dreams:

"it is the seers conviction that weve tapped a very small portion of ourselves."

waiting to happen

ensures nothing will.

overheard regarding computers? but a nice thought nonetheless:

"how much content do you have?"

trying man

the roots

typically

we are capable of 
far better
and far worse
than we give ourselves
credit for.

we must

by charles bukowski.


we must bring 
our own light
to the
darkness.


nobody is going
to do it
for us.


as the young boys
ski
down the 
slopes


as the fry cook
gets his last
paycheck


as dog chases
dog


as the chessmaster
loses more than
the game


we must bring
our own light
to the darkness.


nobody is going
to do it 
for us,


as the lonely
telephone
anybody
anywhere


as the great beast
trembles
in nightmare


as the final season
leaps into
focus


nobody is going
to do it
for us.

our town

do you think it could happen?

if you think it can it can.

the run.

my least favorite colors look good right now. they are in the sky ending day starting something that shivers. she did, walking by. they are, in the sky. you are somewhere else and that is why i shiver.

/i repent.

not a test.

sometimes x 2

in the short but black commute between the toilet and my bedroom i fear intruders may strike, throwing a sack over my head dragging me down the stairs tossing me in their van and transporting me to mexico where i will end peddling gum or a thief of sorts myself. i worry about this often but think at least id be in mexico.

don juan says:

"focus your attention on the link between you and your death, without remorse or sadness or worrying. focus your attention on the fact that you don't have time and let your acts flow accordingly. let each of your acts be your last battle on earth. only under those conditions will your acts have their rightful power."

jake/allen says:

"pay attention and proclaim beauty."

homesick alien

zachary's guest spot x 3

KEEP SMILING AND GODS RETURN YOUR wah wah wah.

remember to:

picture crowds of people laughing uproariously when you dont feel good. it might make you feel better.

I WISH:

my name was lulu
i could stop thinking about tuna
i could sleep
i hadnt went to sleep in what i wore yesterday
i would stop congratulating myself for being such a    mental genius (what is that?/i have no reason      for this/its keeping me awake)
i was typing with both hands, not one (i also have    no reason for this)
i had a large plate of nachos, or tuna
i drank more water yesterday
i was warmer
i was more disciplined
the name "algonquin" wasnt stuck in my head
someone else was awake right now 
i could decide how i feel about apostrophes
i didnt misspell embarrassing every time i write     it (how ____!)
i knew when to stop
i was more of a lady
i knew the proper way to use was/were
the moon was/were a little closer
for world peace
"you were here"
"i were a little taller"
i had better hygiene

one's move

-

the last few steps

when my shoes get holes

overdoing it

wondering if my outfit is appropriate

hereditary diseases

thinking i see someone i miss in their car (but its   just the same car)

the fact that i am not one of those people who can   do several things at once

my stomach

that dresser

extreme hunger

long fingernails

lights on in the day

seeing someone i know and wondering if i should say   hi

being referred to as a woman

wet floors

muscular legs

having to pee when youre walking/on the bus/         anywhere but a toilet (unless it gets you out of   a potentially awkward situation)

heart palpitations (unless theyre out of love)

dog/cat/anyones eye boogers

flaky foods

fake art deco "art"

waiting for drugs to kick in

$$ (unless i have it)

fines of any kind

1-4 pm

discarded shoes on sidewalks

dizzy spells

black coffee

dry skin

bravado

the smell of cat poop

the song "its raining men"

stucco anything

social anxiety

workout gear

to do lists

running

blinds

honking as a form of flirtation

things placed crookedly

feeling frantic

misunderstandings

most modern interpretations of traditional tattoos

olives (except for the name)

funerals

talking about art

when my ipod is too loud but my hands are full.

+

hispanic families

naked people statues

jennifer aniston (when sad, sick or hungover)

alliteration

old buildings

getting home before sunset

movies set in the northwest

messy hair

lace anything

red cars

teenagers

cereal (though i dont eat it)

astrology (though i know nothing)

a very specific length dress

99 cent stores

90s sitcoms

mix cds

the smell of bacon

channeling others

the day after it rains

organization

peeling paint

paper (once written on)

my dads most honest/jim browns laugh

television as company

bedrooms

the phrase "how about it?"

the word "actually"

our house in the day

pre/post award shows

putting on dirty clothes after showering

jack johnson

scotch tape

mild hunger

fleetwood mac

old ladies

mini marshmallows

fiona apple (as a person)

711

venice (ca)

public libraries

hip hop music

feeling hydrated

the idea of running

donut shops

sun on my back

tree lined streets

warm evenings

the idea of black coffee

mexican food

reggae music

solitude

eye contact

the light between day/night

dreams that feel relevant

knowing that anything i dislike now i will likely     eventually like.

regarding coffee preparation but perhaps universal.

the more you give 

the more you will get.

when things fall from the wall:

treat each other well.

better brains

small steps

science says:

"all of nature in its awful vastness and incomprehensible complexity is in the end interrelated -- worlds within worlds within worlds: the seen and the unseen -- the physical and the immaterial are all connected -- each exerting influence on the next -- bound, as it were, by chains of analogy -- magnetic chains. every decision, every action mirrors, ripples, reflects and echoes throughout the whole of creation. the world is indeed bound with secret knots."

clearer.

that old disaster

heaviness

weighs a ton.

there is no

TIME!

progress

is like walking a block and looking for evidence. it looks the same but you are not where you were.

$$$

blinds.

the facts.

i have 325 facebook friends 139 books 78 tubes of paint $60 31 teeth 24 cousins 13 pairs of shoes 9 cigarettes 6 wine glasses 5 coasters 3 email addresses and 1 brain. i have lived 8987 days completed 12 years of school travelled to 8 states and been to 4 funerals. i have no drivers license and all my fingers but not much common sense but plenty of time. and while im sure many have more and lots have less really whos counting?

things as people

when the storm arrives do you think it hurts the trees? or do they shake their bodies gently and sigh finally?

jack said:

"hold still, man, regain your love of life and go down from this mountain and simply be -- be -- be the infinite fertilities of the one mind of infinity, make no comments, complaints, criticisms, appraisals, avowals, sayings, shooting stars of thought, just flow, flow, be you all, be you what it is, it is only what it always is."

my other side

people are always talking about how its ok to be different. but what about the notion that its ok to be the same?

freedumb

i used to know everything ... the time your thoughts where the broom is who was who. now i dont know much but i know it feels good.

i want to be [in]

what connects me to you.

new homes

at what point does the buzz of wine wear off?

does the film of love dissolve?

does the tide really recede?

does the dust officially settle?

at what point are you in transit?

when does the interim diminish

and you have finally arrived

and the threshold has appeared

and the swinging has ceased?

things people do:

watch tv

meet for meals

celebrate birthdays

have scary dreams

order extra ____

fall asleep on the couch

have too many drinks

pay bills late

take out trash

buy/use q-tips

take public transportation

commit crimes

build chairs

run laps

vomit!

bathe

trip

feed the dog

fly helicopters

whistle

fall in love

work all day

sleep all night

read in the dark

go on vacation

watch the clock

think theyre funny

think theyre fat

discover religion

drive through tunnels

stare in mirrors

talk about others

attend funerals

exit buildings

drink milk

paint rooms

play soccer

call cabs

swallow gum

eat apples

feel guilty

file taxes

crash cars

kill bugs

play music

tell lies

clean plates

forgive

follow

fuck 

struggle

steal

wonder

compile seemingly mundane but to some necessary lists of things people do to remember we all do them, even you do them too, and even if you have black hair and i orange and you live in uruguay and i here we are one in the same, we have something that connects us, and even if you wouldnt like me or we have opposing taste in shirts there is little difference between us besides these silly things.

earthquakes

i wonder when it happens will i just put my stuff back up? will my soul crumble with the bricks? will i have time to call my mom?

cigarettes

better in thought.

modern amenities

watching grown men and women "act" like lesser versions of themselves in order to relate to the masses who in turn become lesser versions of themselves in order to relate.

the thing about technology

is that the more acquainted with it you become the more you feel you need it. but more than a man money minute or magician it can disappear without warning and you are left with that special sourness that comes with knowing better.

things that make me fidget:

property tax 

lump sums 

stocks/bonds 

strip clubs 

strip malls 

government buildings 

government men 

THE CAR 

today

i left home for the second time in my life and found it was no easier. by home i mean the place i was made and by no easier im saying 

i still had to cry.