my accountant

for the baby

the ___ part of germany

why i love charles bukowski:

despite a prickly exterior involving booze abuse and crude humor he possessed a pulse extraordinary in its awareness and desperate struggle for preservation of the human spirit.

the way it goes

i went dancing and met this old man. he had long hair and a beer can and once played in someones cover band. he was no poet but the essence of him struck me. an old man on a saturday just trying to relate.

things my grandpa talks about:

upchucking

jail time

hookers and how much they cost

generation generalization

i recognize that we are headed down roads. but every time i hear about the tragedy of my contemporaries -- their cellular phones, coffee choices, facebook idolization or supposed lack of direction -- i am a little disappointed. we are all part of this downward spiral whether we acknowledge it or not -- we have all been birthed to an earth that whilst intrinsically unintentionally we still all have abused -- and to decide a group of persons based on age, interest or automobile preference to be the cause of a decline or the saddest of it all is to me a degree obtuse.

THE BOX

meant so much! i have had a version of it since childhood and it has been growing ever since as i have acquired more notebooks tax documents photographs ETC. today i unloaded dissected and discarded its contents, as i went designating new dwellings for what felt necessary to retain. now the box is no more and it doesnt mean much but sometimes eliminating something as banal as a box flicks the smallest switch in a brain. and you realize you are FREE!

bad idea

every so often as i drift off to sleep i find myself thinking of items ive misplaced. this can be dangerous because i have so many things (tshirts photographs birth certificates phone chargers compact discs earring backs business cards books) that could be so many places that if i go down that road i may never sleep again.

IF YOU MUST

seeking hobby/help

i recently began videotaping our cat. i didnt really mean to but he is entering adolescence and i thought it proudly parental to undertake a project that would capture his newly spiteful yet dejected disposition. as it is i hardly see him, when not prowling the neighborhood he lounges haughtily across the street pausing only to take his suppers in our garage. a few days ago i caught him aloofly nibbling his fare. pressing record just seemed so natural and although he is minimally experienced with cell phone cameras i swear he lit up like a *someone*. he dined and scratched a chair and leaped joyously under a rug with a delicacy id forgotten he possessed. he seemed born for the movies, like it was all he'd ever loved! i didnt think taping him was odd until today i looked down and realized i was capturing him bathe. luckily he exited the frame and the segment concluded tastefully. 

ive been in this bed for days

i know because cracker crumbs glasses water gallons candy wrappers books dvds toilet paper my toy wolf a liter of soda a tylenol packet a tube of chapstick and one chipped coffee mug litter its surface and prevent me from leaving.

ACADEMIA

sometimes in the presence of those more educated than i i develop reservations regarding my intelligence. i say belgium when i know its mexico and wink stupidly to suggest o hell what does it matter? sometimes it goes well, sometimes it does not. i find this tendency unfortunate because i do not think i am any less endowed in brain substance or literary skills than the next kindly scholar but sometimes i feel that with no degree i have no grounds. i carry no titles, just books. i do not think im genius, but i have good ideas sometimes. it is unfortunate because despite my never having willfully entered it i love academia and think kindly towards those who aspire for such learning. i love that academia does not judge, takes all who seek it, does not care what clothes one wears and strives only to educate and enhance the minds of those who will work for it. sometimes i walk around campuses and sit on benches contemplating things with a freud like demeanor. i muse "this could be mine." then i remember its not, at least not today, and kindly go on my way until the next time the origin of chocolate comes up in conversation while in the presence of those more educated than i and i develop reservations regarding my intelligence. 

i am losing my vision!

despite excessive carrot consumption and the slight age of 24.

on creating for ones self

clean! pure! deep! yet there is the faintest hope that one day all your notebooks are discovered and quoted to be genius.

on seeing a moon full

impressive but mildly disappointing. i expect something to happen, for some key to click, and it never really does.